a neglected life

5e4698d288983188bc1cbfca6a1e5fbbOne of the worst feelings is knowing the one person you genuinely love, does not feel the same way back, and even acts it. I’m paraphrasing maybe, but I’ve seen a lot of versions of that sentence as memes and in screenshots, so I know a lot of other people generally agree with how aching the feeling is.

But if you ask me, one of the worst feelings also, is knowing you could have done something to help a situation of something/someone you once loved and maybe still do, but you don’t concede, and then the situation crashes and gradually goes south. Whether for reasons of laziness or procrastination, or selfishness, or pride, or whatever excuse you could come up with to save your face at the moment (or after) no matter how profound the reason, you still did not assist and it could have made a difference if you did, because where there’s a will… 

Most of those feelings, sometimes, come as a result of neglect. I would know because I’m suffering from it.

I’ve negelcted my piano and piano lessons, and everyday it feels like a great part of me has gotten lost and it hurts. Part of the reasons I set the piano at the right corner of the living room since I got into Lagos around August last year, was so that I would have to see it at all times since I spend more time in the living room. I moved it into my bedroom like 2days after, when I realized I actually spend almost all day in my bedroom. Well, I moved it back to the living room when things changed.

While searching for a document in my phone files, I came across the sheet plan for my then daily-minutely personal practice time input for this year and I almost wept. It had only been just recently that I took the bull by the horns and got myself a standard instrument, then booked practical lessons, which I’ve had regularly since October last year up until June this year, once every week (my consistency..need I say more). I permitted myself to be comfortable spending approximately 3hrs in traffic and roughly N2000 on transport fare to get to the training venue. January I put in 1860mins for practice. February -1780mins. March was 762mins and I couldn’t accept that. I asterisked the life out of that figure to be consciously aware of my lapse. It was an apologetical Code Red. Practice was never supposed to go below 1000mins a month, because I challenged myself to 60mins each day. All those ones were long story. The mins did not improve. By May it was 685mins. June came and I had to travel for my granny’s memorial service. I returned and hadn’t had the piano drive again.

I walk past the piano everyday but without giving it so much as a second look. Weekends when I clean up the house, I’d lift the piano stand to sweep and dust the floor, and I’d continue on with the rest of the house. How this happened I would never understand because I remember being proud of how far I’d gotten, that I could play a tune someone could match, or back up a song, and that was a big deal. I was getting close to being able to say I Play the Piano and mean it. It was what I’d always wished I could say and do since I was little.

My piano instructor said I’ve lost all the months of training I’d invested in it, and I’ll be lucky if I don’t start from scratch whenever I’m up to it again. :(:(:(:(

You haven’t neglected anything have you?

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25 thoughts on “a neglected life

  1. Writing and drafting. I’ve neglected writing stories (the ones I never put up on the blog) and drafting something that really matters to me.
    Oooh, it takes you a long period of practice to confidently claim you can do something. Me too! Nice to know I’m not alone.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Sisi, I’ve been posting oh. But if my old faithful commenters only like my blog posts and my likers don’t even read at all, I won’t want to post until it suits me.
        And how to summon motivation, just think of someone doing the thing you’ve been struggling to do. And getting all the praise and criticism you should’ve. It spurs me at least.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I think the ‘best’ of us do ‘neglect’ for whatever reasons: laziness, fear, self success-sabotage, etc…but the good and scary thing is we can always do better. How? well, different strokes for different peeps. But maybe a lil’ more of willpower (there can be derivatives of this) is a start.

    See me oh! Ask me where my piano is [ok, I know where ‘she’ is, ask me how she feels] or my German notebooks and tapes. ha ha

    #aalizwell #human

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Sometimes you try to help someone you know really needs help and they feel they don’t need such help.
    and its truism that, that sometimes you may love someone and the person doesn’t feel same way with you. It’s what happens people use as memes.

    Traced you from my blog and good to have you there girl. Bookmarking your blog to both my phone and PC.

    http://www.Brendascouch.com

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I have neglected lots and still do. Every week saying I will put up a blog post, or is it the 2 foreign languages i am supposed to be practising daily? O di egwu!! then I push to the next day & before you know it, the days turn into weeks, weeks into month

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Sometimes, it’s not just easy to balance everything . It’s also easy to slip into laziness. I hate the ‘I’ll do it tomorrow’ habit that is slowly developing. Sometimes, I feel like 24hours is an illusion because I’ve not done much. I’ve neglected so much, it’s hard keeping up.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Hi Oluchee,

    It’s somewhat funny how when you think you’ve forgotten how to, the memory still lingers in your “hands’ mind” and it’s easy to continue once you start again.

    I once neglected sewing for 8 months, and when I resumed, my fingers remembered. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Oh I have neglected lots. If it helps knowing you are not alone in this, I’ll add that I’ve neglected listening for same sixty mins to recordings in a foreign language I am supposed to be studying. It is always” tomorrow I’ll do it”, until eventually like you, I sit shocked at what I have not done. I haven’t stopped setting those goals to exercise either. So many things to weep over but is there no hope to start afresh tomorrow?

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Tomorrow. I always have mixed feelings about “Tomorrow”. Especially looking forward to “tomorrow” and then when it comes, i move the “tomorrow” to the next day… And it goes on..
      I need to change this. If it means being punished so i learn some lesson. Maybe. 😦

      Liked by 1 person

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