mind insurance

For a week now I’ve been carrying a heavy face around and talking little. You don’t have to know me to know I’m in a state of mental turmoil. I finally had to ping one of my closest friends to tell her that I have a bit of trouble at work but when she started off making a joke about what sort of trouble it might be, I didn’t feel good telling afterwards, so I told her I ‘d call her when I get the chance, but I’ve not been in the mood again.

One may say the trouble is a good kind, but I wouldn’t say that. To explain what it is, it’s imperative you know some details about the operations of the company I work for. The company appears to be a small one, what with the visible staff strength being just about 17 – 20. And even with this number, more than half of these people (the technical crew, I’m not one) are entitled, each, to a work-free day in a week. So every working day is short of about 4 – 5colleagues of the miserly total, imagine, on top of the fact that they aren’t much to begin. The privileges in boss companies! It’s a multinational firm that offers one of a rare kind of professional service – Actuary and Consulting. I’d never heard actuary in my life until this company happened. It’s the science that has to do with evaluating and assessing risk implications in companies; and since insurance companies generate the highest cases for risks, actuaries spend a lot more time and work with those companies. But significantly, they work as consultants to any and all companies, analyzing pension details, staff gratuities, those kind of stuffs. Rare profession but high in demand. The predominant discipline of the staff here is Mathematics, about 95% of them. The others share disciplines between Statistics and Actuary science.

Anywho, the trouble started after one of my bosses had a serious chat with me last week. I was delivering a report to him and I saw an item on his desk that looked like a rubik’s cube. I made a (sarcastic) joke (because that’s who I am), and he laughed and then asked me a question. Believe it or not, its almost 8weeks at this organization and I’m still being treated like an egg. I haven’t had any serious talks with anybody or any clash of interest to expose my character values or whatnot. So when my boss asked me what I knew about the operations of the company, I didn’t know if it was a trick question. I was still trying to place his tone when he abruptly replaced his countenance with a stern look. That was when I knew I had crossed the line. The only way I could respond was to adjust my smile to a curious stare, to match his sudden impatient glare, and then I mumbled what I assume the operations are, while oga just sat there with an expressionless face. I could get no indication on whether I was saying the right stuffs or not, but after only like 2mumbled incoherent sentences, he threw a blow at me, technically, which cut me off completely.

There’s this professional certification exam the technical crew staff have to take every 6/7 months to gain higher qualification. You pass the exam you move further up a level with a raise of about 25% in salary. The exams are expensive, about £250, but the company pays for half the fees, I think. But if you fail you’d pay fully for a retake. Some are in the 6th level, some 4th, some have moved past the Certification stage to exams on being fellows. The exams are severe and unending if you’re pursing a 7digit figure salary. Those exams don’t affect the 10% rest of us- the non-technical crew, though. My position is CRO, then there’s the admin and the accountants, and we’re all the dispensable lot.

Now here’s this boss suggesting I consider writing the certification exam with the technical crew irregardless of my position in the company or my discipline (which I don’t know if it had a part to play in his decision. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned that I studied Chemical Engineering). He said he had been observing this and that, and he’s been thinking about approaching me about his thoughts of me adjusting careers. (If it’s possible to type in whispers, I’m actually doing that now because one of my other bosses just walked over my desk and I’m having to pretend like I’m mailing a client. I CTRL-A from wordpress to my mail so that I can pretend with the email interface. lol. The “trouble” gets a lot more complicated. If I get the chance today again I’ll talk more on it).

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17 thoughts on “mind insurance

    1. Thank you. I’ve been so bothered. For the first time I’m having to really think through angles and options and for the first time something is in my hands that I absolutely have no idea of what to do

      Liked by 1 person

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