Look who’s growing

‘I take a lot of issues with the idea of ‘balance’ for this reason…life ebbs and flows, we take it as it comes’

This has got to be the most procastinated post I’ve had to put up since this blog came to life. Somehow i keep adding fresh sentences every other day to this write up and then end up saving it back in my notepad. Something keeps tugging me to lay off posting. But the bullshit’s got to me now, so its safe to say i just killed that something! Yaaay to me!

Well, this is basically about nothing, unless an about-me update is something, then thanks for caring, especially as i’ve been going cuckoo for cocoa pops between the last time i posted till now. Like almost out of my mind, to the extent of badgering innocent souls around with some really intense questions to help ease my almost psycho condition. Anyone within earshot that cares to listen, wouldn’t care so much after listening, and since its tough chance getting any form of interaction while being steady lounged on the couch of my living room, when you’re available, your listening faculties must be available!.

But not to scare anyone, the questions aren’t like, ‘Why are we on earth?’ Too intense-ish. I’m way too chilled to be a quarter close to that serious. But those other slightly lower toned questions like, ‘How do you keep from being at the wrong place at the wrong time?’ Having in mind the intent behind the questions being for the sake of retrieving answers to reinstate my disappearing sanity without having to die in oblivion. So if you’re among the lot that welcome being indulged in funny trivial conversations of those, well, magnitude, that you even let room in your head for such, {sigh}, you’ve done this girl mighty well!

But for those other ones that will attach the question oddity to an illness, all I can say is my wrath will….no..no…not that…{sigh}… With the way everybody (especially those frequent on twitter) is going fake deep nowadays, posing questions basically out of their reasoning capacity, just asking to be perceived as intuitive, or …that word….what’s that word..? It has something concerning the eyes….uuggghhh

Still, whatever. Like they say, its not everyt…Yes! Insightful! The word is insightful. Yes!
Ok

Still, whatever. Like they say, its not every time seasonal movies and arguing football or fashion trends, sometimes you sit down and meditate. The trick to expanding your horizon. That is if you want your horizon expanded. Its not by force. But still, the key to momentum……

Back to me.
For some months now I’ve been at a reserved state of mind. I hear that’s when you’re at a place where things are just so. Living is neither a pain in the bottom nor a bed of hibiscus. Expectations are minimal, a decent midway sort of. Not totally ecstatic with activities around, no matter how exciting; not downcast either….you get? This state of mind has nothing to do with pessimism or disappointments, or being accustomed to broken feelings. I don’t really know how to put it. You don’t always have to explain every feeling, do you? Especially when you know where you’re supposed to be at (or should be doing) but you can’t be there (or do it) until you do a “something” first, which you can’t do just yet, maybe accumulating the know-how at the moment, maybe insufficient resources, maybe health condition, just maybe something legit could be stopping you. I don’t know if i’m making any sense. It’s like in school, going through those pre-requisite courses that almost don’t concern you, just so you’ll be able to understand your course better.

So i just carry on with an indifferent attitude because i’m not sure yet how to fast forward this life, and since there’s nothing else i can do..Again, you don’t have to be able to explain every feeling. Its not a sickness if you don’t.

All I can say is my mind’s been less occupied, not so much of relaxed, just more of ‘less disturbed’. Been using a lot of my discretion on matters I don’t normally bother with, and now my mind is on crazy but good overdrive and it just feels fitting right now. Like I’m able to concentrate and be in the moment. I’m starting to embrace the need to be less superficial and more profound in my thoughts. I’d love to regard myself in this light as one who can have meaningful and lofty thinking.

But who knows, this state of mind could be as a result of my excessive free time, or maybe it has to do with my new playlist, I’m not totally sure which. But i’ll like to be tested. Like take those factors away and let’s see how far I’ll go. But quite frankly, there are a whole bunch of amazing songs out there. That’s my concern because I do have a very versatile taste in music. I love hard rock. Some rap, hip hop, and some classic rock, alternative…to think I just got hooked to some epic odd tunes and these albums are relatively old. Not Notorious B.I.G or Lauryn Hill old, just say uhhm Ludacris or Mary J Blije old. You know, a decade ago, not like two decades ago. My music taste just got redefined by these new(but old) songs by weird named artists. Damn you Mtv Base and SoundCity for your limited songs/artists pick! Way to stunt my musical growth!!

I’ve also gotten the hang of downloading you-tube videos via my pathetic blackberry device, and I’ve been uncontrollably basking in that knowledge, and I’ve been learning a lot. I’ve gotten literally over a hundred How-To videos on different skills and programs. A few I’ve learnt well, others I’m still struggling. You know, programming languages, vocational skills, my French even has improved merci 😉. Even my twerking. (Ahh little mercies). The amazing thing is, after a learn-a-skill video, I’ll come feeling like I’ve learnt a lot, like i can move mountains! Good stuff. Now I’m reading books, getting all assertive and open minded, going for trainings, seminars. Amazing though. Amazing. Imagine i’m even enjoying listening to people more. Like when someone uttered, ‘stagnation is draining’, i had to hug her because i really thought it was my inside voice that spoke out loud.

exhales

In general, though I’ve been idle, for the first time I haven’t succumbed to boredom or twitter. And for now, that’s a good thing.

Look who’s growing.

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6 thoughts on “Look who’s growing

  1. Yikes. I thought I was the only one who went off course while talking, but ma’am, you be boss! Your thought process is much more disorganised than mine! When you said, “I don’t know if I’m making sense”, I was like “NO!” and I had to go back and reread the paragraph.
    I do exasperate people when I over explain stuff, to the point that I forget what I was trying to explain. But it’s nice to see someone who’s worse than me. I have hope!
    Very lovely write up.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Perfecto! Magnificent!! It’s nice to know your actually adding knowledge…even if twerking is involved. I’ve occasionally wondered how you’re doing..thought u’d b busy by now…doing morning exercises and all. Keep it up sha…maybe u’d teach me some programing.
    P.S – it’s difficult picturing you being deep/insightful. Doesn’t mean ur not…u get na. As for u twerking… #lipsSealed

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