Ask Me Already

Not to seem desperate but still eager enough for a hang out, you say to the light-skinned guy standing behind the counter you’ve been ogling and sizing up for the past 40mins, “Can I get your number?” You know this is an odd request and there is just a chance of 1 out of 5000 maybe, of actually getting the number. You didn’t know what else to say so you just blurted out the one thing your dumb brain proposed.

But you don’t ask that way because then you’d seem too forward and you’re not sure he’s the type that might appreciate direct and bold girls. Who knows, he doesn’t like being approached by strangers asking for his number. Maybe he’s had one bad experience in the past and so he might wonder what you needed it for, if he was in some sort of trouble and it could get awkwardddd when you try explaining you erm want erm the number for erm…You see? Awkward right?

So you ask instead, “Will you go out on a date with me?” After all, you don’t look too bad. And its a plus too that you’re having a good hair day. Your personality, even though you’d hate to say it yourself…..marvelous! Infact, magnificent!! He was bound to accept. It doesn’t matter that in your head you know you just oversold yourself. Wareva. Anything for that date.

But you don’t ask that way because he might turn you down and then you’d be mortified enough to pray for the ground to open and swallow you up. And then on second thoughts, swallow him along too. Maybe you might have a better chance in your journey of being swallowed…together:D. Who knows.

So you ask instead, “Do you mind me buying you lunch?” No..You’re not too broke. Your wallet is still on the bright and happy side of life. He couldn’t possibly turn down a free meal gesture. Camman! A free meal! Even if its just to eat and just go..at least you spent about 20mins with him! Damn! That will do!

But you don’t ask that way because he might genuinely not be hungry, and so he’d turn it down. Whether or not he rejects the offer so nicely and pleadingly, the fact is that he rejected it. So it doesn’t change your being flippant enough to walk away first, and then rush back to strangle him until he gives up and dies. And then you kick him to make sure he’s dead alright, before you walk out in anger.

So you ask instead, “Hey! I’ve seen you around here before (it doesn’t matter that you haven’t seen him in your life). You come here often don’t you?” That should be a good conversation starter. But wait. Perhaps you should have watched the tone. Maybe it was a wee bit too excitedly, too sharp. Anything to get you in his ‘area of interest’. Its not like you threw your boobs at him. If its any consolation, at least you still got your dignity. For now. 😐

But you don’t ask that way because he might have never been there before. Ever. And he might hate to be likened to someone else and may think he was doing you a favor by not wanting to waste your time by sticking around while you juggle your fake memory of remembering exactly how and when you saw him “before”. You’re just going to be left embarrassed and dumbfounded while he excuses himself and walks away.

So you say instead, “I couldn’t help but notice you have little fingers”. You just say this because its just how you start a small talk with an ordinary tone unlike the former. Anybody can be deceived into thinking they have small fingers. Didn’t Dr. Phil say this one time? Yes. That would work. What’s there? He could just smile and leave. Or he could get defensive and argue against it. Hence falling into the trap of the intention behind the question. Hehe

But you don’t say this because he could just give you a straight face like you’re mumbling your words. Like you spoke hindu and he only understands hebrew. His blank stare might just pierce deep down into your soul. Or again, maybe he’s too sensitive about his fingers. Maybe he likes small hands and you just offended him without even meaning to. Who knows, you must have even offended his entire generation that equally have small hands.

So you say instead, “I like you.” There you said it. He can do whatever he wanted with that. What negative response can possibly come out of that. Especially as you’d say that with your breathtakiing award winning smile. (Only you o). Everyone likes to be liked. And everyone likes your smile. Irresistible!!^^

But what if he doesn’t. What if he was part of that little few that scorns people and push nice ones away. What if he derives pleasure from being admired and then let his ego in the way and then look down on you? He probably detest ladies that smile a lot because it would make them easier to get wrinkles earlier in life. True story. You will be devastated, but what’s the worst that can happen? As long as he doesn’t get physical, like push you aside, or slap you?(Like hell that could happen), or spit at you in disgust 😐 Nah…can’t happen…or can it?.

So you just stand up and invoke the little confidence you have from hanging around sweet-smooth-talking ibo boys most of the time. You crack your neck, adjust your halo, wriggle your eyebrow to relax your face, check that your boobs were in place, and then you stand from your seat. Is this really what guys face when they see an attractive female they’ll like to chill with? Oh dear.

Just then, this lady walks out from what seems to be the bathroom, judging from the tag on the door that read, ‘Lades’. This is assuming the letter ‘I’ was missing. She touches his left shoulder and asks, ‘Are you done here?’ To which he replied (so sweetly), ‘Yes babe’. She grabs the paper bag on the counter and slides her free hand through his arm by his side. And they walk out like the perfect couple from a magazine cover.

And then your jaws drop slightly and you go, “Oh” and then slouch back on your seat. Well..na so na. #TeamForeverAlone 😦

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18 thoughts on “Ask Me Already

  1. u neva know what he/she would say if u said wat u were saying to urself intending to say something to him/her….buh uve gat to say somethin….

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