The Heart doesn’t matter

My stomach hurts. Like a slashing tingling pain from the inside.
I’m bored, and even the internet bears no comfort.
I’m tired, and my eyes swirl around in dizziness
This is just me.

But if you ask how I am, I will say, ‘fine’. Its like a default answer. Because we aint cool like that. Me and you.
Not anymore.

Don’t tell me to have a good day. Don’t. Maybe I want to have a bad day. Just maybe. You don’t know me. You don’t know my struggles. We just aint cool like that anymore.

If you ask what I want.. Why? I have all I need. Need.. Not want. I’m still in plenty debt of wants. God gives us all we need, not wants. My wants run through several pages. But I can’t tell you that. I don’t think it matters anymore.

My business stays with me.

Business? Sounds too formal. That’s how we have gotten. Where we have gotten. Formality.

My stomach upset. That’s not for you to know. My headache. Headache…I got that too. You know as people get open to suggestions and advice, I’m open to illness, since you left with my health. That’s why I’m falling apart.

In bits.
Pieces.
Falling apart in bits and pieces. Gotta stack the words together to make good meaning. You got me to bother about making sense. I never used to. Now, its all I’m about. Its only until the right answers come, that I will fully get my act together. That’s when I would want to get my head in place. Bullshit for the birds. Head on act..act on head…mincing words.

I never used to be like this. In Neyo’s mood of getting so sick of love songs, but still can’t turn off the radio. You know what hurts about falling for someone you know is not right for you? You fall anyways, thinking he would be different. Different is good. Different should have been good. Good is always the aim. Better is acceptable. But the aim is usually good. Simple. Simplicity, they say, is the highest form of sophistication. Only problem is he was not a fan of class.

This isn’t the answer. The right answer isn’t in plain sight. Hidden. Just like his emotions. Why wouldn’t he just let them out? What’s the worst that could happen. Why would you wait for the people you love to die first before you let out your feelings? Cry the most at the memorial service. Wipe ’em tears. Should I die first?

I don’t know much about love. I understand the concept, but the oddities surpass my reasoning. Why would you hurt the one you claim you love the most?

In the end, not enough people in this world can do real.

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One thought on “The Heart doesn’t matter

  1. Why would you hurt the one you claim you love the most??? I believe there is no simple answer to this question, to love is to make oneself vulnerable in ways that enhance the possibility of pain….my short answer would be ‘it’s inevitable…’

    Liked by 1 person

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